The book starts with a quote from Theodore Roosevelt.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly."
Brene Brown is a favorite of mine every since I listened to her most viewed Ted Talks about vulnerability. I admire her honesty and feel inspiration when I read her books or see her videos. This book starts with talking about the myth that "Vulnerability is weakness." Brene believes this thought is very dangerous. When we push away our feelings, put a mask on, and suck it up, we are letting our fears become judgment and criticism. "Vulnerability is the core of all emotions and feelings. To feel is to be vulnerable. To believe vulnerability is weakness is to believe that feeling is weakness." To be vulnerable is scary and but it shows truth and courage. A favorite quote of mine by Brene Brown fits in perfectly here: "Only when we're brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of the light."
The next part of her book talks about shame. (A book about vulnerability and shame? I know, at this point I was wondering what I just got myself into.)
Shame derives its power from being unspeakable. There are 3 things about shame: 1) We all have Shame 2) We are all afraid to talk about shame 3) The less we talk about shame, the more control it has over our lives. "Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging." What do we do now? How do you deal with shame? Brene tells us that in her research of individuals who are shame resilient (this is the process from moving shame to empathy- the antidote for shame.) There are 4 traits they possess. 1) They recognize shame and understanding its triggers. 2) They practice critical awareness. 3) They reach out 4) They speak about shame
When we talk about the things that are causing us shame, then we fight back against it. We connect with those around us and speak about the issues before those feelings get bottled up inside.
To dare greatly, we need to practice gratitude. She found in her research that gratitude is the antidote to foreboding joy. She discovered that joy comes in moments, and more surprising: ordinary moments. We miss out on joy when we try to chase down the extraordinary moments. I think back to when we were early in the COVID pandemic and I had the boys home (ages 6,4,2). We couldn't even play at the park at that time. Everyday after lunch we would all read together in my son's bed before the 2 younger boys had naptime. They would sit on me, crowd in all around with those little faces so close to the pages, and we would read through adventures in each book, crying with laughter and snuggling with love. THIS was my favorite moment from COVID and what I looked forward to each day. When the world seemed to be spinning out of control and I didn't have a job to go to at that point (I was working as a Dental Hygienist), those ordinary moments were pure joy and something I will not forget. Be grateful for what you have and don't squander joy. We can't prepare for tragedy and loss. "Every time we allow ourselves to lean into joy and give in to those moments, we build resilience and we cultivate hope."
Brene then talks about building shame resilient organizations. There are 4 strategies for this 1) Supporting leaders who are willing to dare greatly and facilitate honest conversations about shame. 2) Facilitating a conscientious effort to see where shame might be functioning in the organization. 3) Normalizing a critical shame-resilience strategy. 4) Training all employees on differences between shame and guilt. Brene is a professor at the University of Houston and she tells her students "If you're comfortable, I'm not teaching and you're not learning. It's going to get uncomfortable in here and that's ok. It's normal and part of the process." I love this quote so much. When do you learn best? When we make mistakes, fail, and fall. The best lessons come from failure. I try to look at it as I am going to make mistakes, but it's how I chose to learn and grow from those moments.
How can we be vulnerable in work situations? If we don't have the information a client or customer asks, we can say "I don't know the answer to that, but I'll find out. I want to make sure you have the correct information." It lets us be honest and vulnerable, but also shows the client we are trying to get the answers they need. Entrepreneurship is vulnerable. It's about the ability to handle uncertainty. Change is constant. People change, our work changes, our estimate change, and our budget changes. The best advice she has is to have good mentors and create supportive networks along the way.
I highly recommend this book to anyone who dares to be great, who decides to become vulnerable even though it's scary and uncomfortable. This book had me crying at many chapters, and I have insane respect for someone who can bring me to tears with words.
Brene states that sometimes just showing up can be brave. Being honest with yourself and your feelings. Take risks and dare greatly. You are enough.
Comments